How to support someone who is struggling

Start the conversation

Pick a quiet moment and say what you have noticed, without judgement: “You have seemed quieter lately. How are you really doing?” Walking or driving side by side often makes it easier than sitting face to face.

Listen more than you speak

• Let them finish. Resist the urge to fix, compare or cheer them up.
• Reflect back what you hear: “That sounds exhausting.”
• Ask what would help, and accept “I do not know” as an answer.

Things that usually do not help

• “Others have it worse.”
• “Just think positive.”
• “I know exactly how you feel.”
• Advice they did not ask for.

Offer something concrete

“Let me know if you need anything” puts the work on them. Try “I am going to the shop, what can I bring you?” or “Shall we walk on Thursday?” Small, specific and repeated beats grand and occasional.

Encouraging professional help

Suggest it gently and practically: “Would it help to talk to someone? I can sit with you while you look.” Offer to help with the first step, such as finding a therapist or booking an appointment, and then let them decide. You cannot make the choice for them.

If you are worried about their safety

Ask directly whether they are thinking about suicide. Asking does not plant the idea, and it shows that it is safe to talk. If they are in immediate danger, stay with them and contact emergency services or a crisis line. Numbers are on our Get help now page.

Look after yourself

Supporting someone is tiring. You are allowed to have limits, and you are allowed to get support of your own.

This article is general information, not medical advice. If you are in crisis, please use the resources on our Get help now page.